I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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