She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
