If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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