After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
