Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
