When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
