Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
