apparently the secret to your success is patron
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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