you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
