I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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