She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
