It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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