So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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