the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
