Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
