woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
