based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
