I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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