When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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