Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
