im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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