i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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