what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
