So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
