You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
