he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
