I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
