He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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