I think im going to throw up on grandma
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
