just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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