Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
