I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
