I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
