I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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