From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
