Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
