My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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