the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
