I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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