I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
