u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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