I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
