I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
