She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
