Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need mimosas to revive my soul
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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