I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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