i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
