Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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