WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
