i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
