Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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