So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
