I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
