Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
